Q: Do you have any tips for anal sex?

A: Yes! Our four guidelines for anal sex are: communicationlubricationpatience, and protection.

Communication: Communication is exceptionally important in anal sex, both before and during. Bebfore-hand, talk to your partner to ensure you’re both signed up for the same activity. During sex play, ensure that the person penetrated is in control, and communicating to the penetrating person how things are going: how fast to go, how deep to go, when to ease up, etc.

One way to help the penetrated person feel in control is to choose a position that is easy to control speed and depth of penetration. For instance, the “doggy style” position: on hands and knees, with the penetrating partner kneeling behind. This way, the penetrated partner can move slightly away when necessary and non-verbally guide the depth and speed. Of course, verbal communication is still important!

Lubrication: Unlike the vagina or the mouth, the anus and rectum don’t have a built-in source of lubrication. Even worse, the rectum is designed to absorb liquids so you’ve got to provide your own lube, and lots of it. The rule of thumb is to use as much as you think you need, and then use more. If you’re using latex condoms, be sure to use one water-based (like Astroglide, Slippery Stuff, or Elbow Grease Gel) or silicone-based (like Eros’s silicone lube), but it’s important never to use petroleum-based or oil-based lubricants (like Vaseline or massage oil) as those destroy latex!

Patience: Go slowly, and follow the lead of the person being penetrated. You may want to start with a finger first, to get the anus used to something smaller. If you are going to use a butt plug, don’t be afraid to buy a small one and work your way up in size when appropriate. If you use a butt plug, always buy/use one with a “flare” at the bottom so that it cannot escape inside your anus.

If the penetrated person is relatively inexperienced at this, take the pressure off by giving up on goals and concentrating more on enjoying the process. In other words, don’t think of how far you want to go with this project (“Oh, boy, it’s going to feel good when I’m inside”), but rather, focus on the journey (“Hey, this is fun!”) Like so many things worth doing, it may take several tries before you’re both happy with it.

Protection: Anal sex is one of the highest-risk activities for transmitting HIV, the virus that causes AIDS. Other sexually transmitted diseases can be spread through anal sex as well. So, we strongly recommend using latex condoms during anal sex. The penetrating person should also definitely wash his hands and penis afterwards to avoid spreading other diseases like hepatitis.

Important: anal sex should not be painful. If pain occurs, stop immediately. If you are ready again during that sex session to try again, relax, and use extra of patience, lubrication, communication, and don’t be afraid to use just fingers (or fewer fingers) until it is comfortable.

Although lubricant is a requirement, we strongly recommend you NOT use any of creams (or any drugs) that dull nerves and mask any pain. These encourage tearing of the skin and other harms to the anus.

For more information…

  • Anal Pleasure and Health
  • Bend Over Boyfriend
  • Koi Sex Tutorials: Anal Intercourse
  • Sex Tutor: Anal Sex Tips
  • Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men
  • Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women