Q: How do I perform cunnilingus (oral sex on a woman)?

A: With enthusiasm! Seriously, enthusiasm is one of the most important components here, and I’ll list them all one by one.

1. Basic anatomy. If you were to hold your hands together, as if in prayer, you’d have a good model of a woman’s genitals. Your thumbs would represent the vaginal opening and, right where the tips of your thumbs are, that’s where you’d find the clitoris hidden under the clitoral hood.

2. General Pleasures. Now that you have the basic anatomy (and many women need the anatomy lesson as much as men), here are some general guidelines about what many women like.

While the clitoris is the point of exquisite ecstasy for many women, most don’t seem to want you to dive right for it. Teasing is often the most enjoyable option. You may wish to start out gently kissing her inner thighs, and continue your explorations from there slowly toward the center of her sexual universe. Once near the vaginal opening, many women appreciate some licking in similar to French kissing.

Licks should be soft and yet firm at the same time. Any explorations you make in this realm should be gentle, so as not to make your lover recoil, yet firm enough to show your unique personality.

3. Clitoris Attention. Continuing your exploration northward, you will find yourself at the clitoris, and here is where you will find many of the unique preferences in your individual lovers. Some women will now find that direct stimulation of her clitoris is now nirvana. Others will find this too much and prefer indirect stimulation of the clitoris. You can accomplish this by stroking your tongue through the channels on either side of her clitoral hood, applying pressure through the hood and onto the clitoris. Still other women will prefer you to suck on the clitoral hood for stimulation and, as you might imagine, many women prefer a combination of all the above techniques.

4. Communication. Communication is often the beginning and the end of a successfull sexual relationship, and that includes oral sex. Selecting the correct technique is simply a matter of getting feedback from your partner. This can be difficult sometimes because some women don’t know what feels good, and some of them find it awkward to talk about. It’s always good to use your knowledge of your partner to know when and how to request this feedback.

This feedback can come in various other ways also…

For instance, if you follow the techniques listed above, you may find your lover digging her fingernails into your scalp wantonly and begging for more. This is excellent feedback. In this case, you might choose to wait until after your lovemaking and then at some point ask, “So, what did you like about that?”

Or you may also request feedback as you go along. For instance, you can tease a woman, occasionally slowing (or stopping) and mischievously ask her for what she wants as you’re playing. This might be useful for women who are not good at communicating.

If you partner wants to give feedback but has difficulty being verbal during sex, you can beg your partner to make “good happy moaning sex sounds” when she feels something particularly good. That way you can just experiment and then follow where the sounds lead you.

5. Safer Sex. This is often controversial when discussing cunnilingus (eating pussy). It is certainly possible to get a sexually transmitted disease (STD) through unprotected cunnilingus, but it is less dangerous than fellatio (oral sex on a guy). For instance, if you were trying to become HIV positive, and solely used cunnilingus to reach your goal, you’d probably go your whole life without success. But there are other diseases like herpes and gonorrhea that you might catch.

So the reason we say “Safer Sex”, is to recognize that there is no clear dividing line between “safe” and “unsafe” acts. Rather, there is a continuum, with extremely safe things at one end, such as fantasy, and extremely unsafe things at the other, such as blood play and unprotected penis/anus sex.

It is therefore a matter for every sexual person to make an informed decision as to where along this continuum to to draw his or her personal line. In other words, before you have sex, you and your partner should decide, “We will be very safe in these areas, and not really worry too much about those areas.”

If you decide to practice safer sex with cunnilingus, here’s what you do: ignore the small specially-designed-for-cunnilingus dental dams. Instead, either buy the larger latex sheets available for this purpose in some larger sex stores, or get some plastic food wrap (such as Saran Wrap) and tear off a long sheet. Put some water based lube on your fingers, rub it around in your hand to warm it up, then apply it to your partner’s pussy. Next, wrap the plastic wrap lengthwise between her legs. For instance, if she’s on her back, put one end under her butt and wrap it up over her pussy and onto her tummy. Pussy licking can be great this way if you can get used to the sound of the plastic wrap.