Q: How do I perform fellatio (oral sex on a man)?

A: With lots of enthusiasm! As with cunnilingus (eating pussy), enthusiasm and communication are the main things to focus on. Technique comes with experience, but here are some great things to know:

1. Basic Anatomy. Because penises and clitorises are developmentally the same body part, and they have approximately the same number of nerve endings. So, while women sometimes complain that men are too rough on a clitoris, some men complain that women can be too gentle on a penis. If in doubt, ask your partner what he likes and where he likes it – see below for more information about communication.

Explore the parts of your partner’s genital area. In addition to the shaft of the penis, be sure you are familiar with his frenulum (the underside of the head of the penis) and the perineum (the area between the testicles and the anus). Both these areas can be very sensitive yet often overlooked. See a great diagram of a penis.

2. General Pleasures. Try wrapping one hand around the penis. This will help you maintain control in three ways. First, you can direct it exactly to the part of your tongue and mouth that you want. Second, if he starts thrusting, you can control exactly how deep it goes. Finally, you can stroke it as you suck it to double his pleasure.

When in doubt, tease your lover, giving and withholding pleasure until they beg. This also forces you to explore what gets him hot so you know what to tease him with. Three important things to remember: LICK, SUCK, and TEASE.

Also don’t be repetitive, if you don’t eventually start to change things, either you or him are going to get bored, and it will most likely be him first. Don’t be afraid to try new things, you can either tell him or sometimes surprise is also fun. Also, even though you may be giving oral sex, doesn’t mean the rest of his body has to go unnoticed, nipples, ears, they need attention to. Some men like their testicles to be rubbed, just test things, ask if you don’t “want to go there.”

3. Variations No matter how many techniques you learn, every person has his or her own idiosyncratic likes and dislikes. If your boyfriend is good at telling you what he likes, perfect. But if he’s shy or inexperienced, play around, tease him, listen to his sounds, feel his muscles tense and relax.

4. Communication. When pleasing your partner, one of the most important things to remember is communication, and not just listening to what your partner enjoys before sex, but while in “the act.” Listening to their moans, and breathing out and in, also watching their facial expressions.

If your boy’s not so good at saying what he likes, tease the heck out of him, then stop and say, “Was that good?” A wicked grin on your face helps. At this point he’ll have to either tell you what he likes or risk that you’ll stop!

5. Safer sex. The reason we say “Safer Sex”, is to recognize that there is no clear dividing line between “safe” and “unsafe” acts. Rather, there is a continuum, with extremely safe things at one end, such as fantasy, and extremely unsafe things at the other, such as unprotected penis/anus sex.

It is therefore a matter for every sexual person to make an informed decision as to where along this continuum to to draw his or her personal line. In other words, before you have sex, you and your partner should decide, “We will be very safe in these areas, and not really worry too much about those areas.”

While fellatio (cock sucking) is more risky than cunnilingus (pussy licking), it is less risky than unprotected vaginal sex, and much less risky than unprotected rimming or anal sex. Things you can catch from performing fellatio include clamydia, herpes, gonorrhea, syphilis, and HIV. Things you can do to reduce YOUR risks for giving head:

• Check your partner’s genital area for lesions or sores. Although someone can still carry a sexually transmitted disease (STD) and show no symptoms, your risks are much higher if there are any open sores.
• Don’t brush or floss an hour before giving oral sex. Brushing and flossing increases your risk of transmission of several types of STDs for about an hour due to gum irritation.
• Don’t take semen into your mouth. Some STDs (including HIV, the virus that causes AIDS) are present in semen of men who carry the virus.
• Use a barrier. For instance, you can try one of the unlubricated condoms on the market. There are also mint flavored unlubricated condoms available.

6. Technique tips

How to get him hard: Squeeze the base of the dick as you suck. Be patient. Take your time. Enjoy what you are doing. Look up at him.

The basic up and down: Start by teasing his penis – kiss, breath lightly, whisper, tickle. Then, switch to sucking by creating a vacuum by pursing your lips and using them to surround his penis. Thrust your mouth down over his penis while you suck. Use your saliva as a lubricant. Stroke with yourhands while sucking. Twist your hand as you moveup and down on the shaft. Switch hands occasionally for variation.

How to deep throat: It’s key to choose the right position and to make sure you know your own limits and gag reflex. Try the “top down” position — for instance, if your partner is on his back, have your bodies parallel but in the opposition direction, in a similar angle/position as if you were 69-ing. Also, try laying down with your neck over the side of the bed while your partner stands on the floor and penentrates your mouth.

Additional techniques: (See “anatomy” above for terms)

• Use your hands at the base of the dick to control how the depth of thrusts.
• When the dick is deep in your throat/mouth, some men love it if you hold your head in place for a while.
• The tongue swirl. Flick your tongue back and forth and all around as you’re sucking.
• The figure 8. A head tilt and twist while sucking and/or thrusting, visualizing drawing a figure 8 on his stomach with your nose.
• Ball sucking for variety, and see if your partner likes it.
• Licking his perenium.
• Run your tongue around the glans. Then focus on the frenulum.
• Use pressure with your tongue against the frenulum.
• Add humor.
• The cum delay. When he’s near cumming, put a finger or two on his perinium and push in. When he is about to cum, you will feel a pulsing beneath your fingers. Push in, and he won’t be able to cum. You can hold this position for maybe 10-15 seconds without making him uncomfortable. When you let go, he will spurt everywhere and be pleased for the journey.

For more information…

• Ultimate Kiss: Sensual Guide to Oral Lovemaking by Jacqueline Franklin, published by Media Press (2001) [Buy]
  Available as both a book and a video. A good guide to oral sex. Warning: the video is cheesy and star’s the members of the A-Team. Caveat Emptor. May be dated.